Signing Out (URL Move)

Hey guys. I'm moving from this here blogger site to a fancy pantsy tumbleblag. I just kind of wanted a change of pace and also didn't want to feel bad when I just want to post a single gif. I hear they're cool with that over there. Also I figure a new site will demand content like the state of Hawaii demands a constant and unfettered supply of fresh SPAM.

So yeah.

Check it out here: http://livelongkickass.tumblr.com/

Productive Procrastination

I feel an incessant need to post right now and I know for a fact it if because of the sheer magnitude of shit that needs doing. If I didn't have all this shit to do and all the time in the world I would not feel so damn compelled to instead waste time by writing about spilling coffee. I suddenly want to blog about that AP tweet, about private space, about murdering Elliot, about Doritos Locos Tacos and other things and it is all because I have tests to study for and homework that needs to be completed.

So I tell myself I'll just write more when this is all done. But with age comes wisdom and in my case I begin to understand myself. I can write down exactly what I'm going to do. The second this work is done and there is nothing to procrastinate on all of this motivation will dry up and I will sit on a couch and watch a Storage Wars marathon for so long that I actually notice the moment when it repeats. That's when I change the channel to the Duck Dynasty marathon.

 

 

 

 

Oh Willie, you work so hard, but Si so silly.

 

 

Hence without something more important to do, this all falls apart. That is why this summer I am announcing that I am writing a book, chronicling the history of United States National Debt using astrophysical concepts to help the reader understand the scale of the quantities in discussion. The book will compare historical eras of heavy debt to the most recent debt explosion and analyze similarities and differences between now and then. It will then include in depth physical calculations of the debts size and pennies and the destructive force such an object would have if it fell on Earth from space. It would look at the gravitational potential of the debt and see how much it would affect the tides were it it orbit. I will research and write this whole work before September ends.

There we go, that should keep the ol' inspiration in check.

In Depth Analysis of a Very Minor Event From About Ten Minutes Ago

I am currently up to my neck in shit to do. By tomorrow I must complete five homework assignments, study two tests and finish my final thesis. I have not made much progress so I am currently locked in the Observatory trying to do as much as humanly possible. The lack of human interaction is supposed to help, not quite sure if it is or not. As a result of all this I grow weary and require caffeine to keep this ship afloat. Thus I brought up a can of Cafe Bustelo and have been cranking out coffee faster than the work is actually getting done. A few moments ago I poured myself a steaming hot 24 ounce cup of black magic. It was incredibly hot so I decided to blow on it to reduce the temperature to human consumption levels.

Then I sneezed.

Immediate reaction: my eyes burn.

Secondary reaction: my shirt is wet.

Tertiary reaction: everything burns.

I jumped out of my chair and let out a mildy unnecessary scream of agony. I began punching the air with one hand while trying to get steaming hot coffee out of my eyes with the other. My shirt is soaked and hot. My eye lids feel like they have first degree burns and my eyes are letting me know that they are not pleased with my actions. All of this lead to me falling over on the ground.

Pretty much all of that happened in about five seconds. I got up found some paper towels and began the long journey of reconstruction. Got the coffee off my face and cleaned off the laptop screen that was also soaked. I then moved the coffee mug a bit away and am occasionally giving it evil glares while I type like that is supposed to teach it not to get sneezed on.

Will attempt to drink some more momentarily, back to the Electromagnetism.

I'm Coming Back

This weekend, I have an awful lot of work to do. But I have like 4-5 blog post ideas. So this is me saying that I'm bringing this back, and updating it a bit. Probably going through and updating/culling old stuff and posting new stuff. Maybe move to a new URL, but I am coming back.

But first, Particle Physics. Those Pauli Matrices ain't gonna propagate themselves if you know what I'm saying.

I'll give you a moment to check Wikipedia. Go on now.

Back?

Yeah I don't really get it either.

I Am Posting This To Get a Keychain

nameplates

Digitus Medius aka Fuckius Youis

There are several people who make me viscerally angry, politicians, AVI Food Systems, Alfred Residence Life, the majority of people I've met named Manju. With any of these I am usually allowed to submit comments to them in writing and I've thought several times of writing whole essays and putting them in their comment boxes. Then I thought of a more direct way to convey my emotions. Simply send a letter of the format:

Dear Source Of My Anger,

[elaborate pencil drawing of a middle finger]

Signed,
Tyler

It's so simple, so direct, so perfect for the majority of the things that anger me. But I am no artist and this can't be any middle finger, oh no. This has to be a middle finger that means it. A middle finger with rage built into it's very skin cells. I can't just go up to a friend or a relative. This has to be the middle finger of man whose been through some shit. Not a young mans hand. A hairy, scarred hand, a middle finger that was broken and didn't quite heal properly, but still stands at attention with almost, but not quite perfect right angles where it matters. With knuckles that jut out like a mountain range. I'm talking like a 73-year-old-war-veteran-triple-divorcee-iron-worker-with-a-criminal-record middle finger that stands on high.

Now that we have that out of the way, a plan emerges.

Step 1
A national manhunt for a group of ten men who fit that exact profile to the letter.

Step 2
Battle to the death.

Step 3
Take the winner and do not treat his wounds. Immediately take him to an art institution and put him in an auditorium filled with one hundred pencil and paper wielding graduate art students.

Step 4
Insult the memory of his second wife, the only one he really loved.

Step 5
Middle finger at attention, let the artists art away.

Step 6
Kill the man to show the artists you mean business.

Step 7
Take the three people who drew the finest drawings and put them in three separate holding cells complete with pencil, paper, security camera and a large mound of C4. Tell them to draw it better or else.

Step 8
Take the drawings, detonate the C4. No fucking witnesses.

Step 9
If none of the drawings meet your requirements, back to Step 1.

So a few months and 13 dead men later, the drawing is ready. Make copies and distribute them to your enemies. It really is that easy!

Well I don't have the budget or the required balls to do all that so this will have to do for now:

Submitted for your approval, Mr. God Damned Rogers.

I may have gotten a little off track in my galactic cosmology class...

Hmm, too small, click here: http://imgur.com/KWiui

I would like to add that though this section got out of hand and I may have faded to the land of IMAGINATION for a good four to five minutes, the rest of my notes were splendiferously scientastic. This is not technologies fault, it would have taken longer in a notebook and I still would have done it. Probably with drawerings.

Intro to Derp Latin (DRP 101)

So you want eaksperp erpderp atinlerp? Well you have certainly come to the right aceplerp!

Derp Latin is a language game of alterations played in English. To form the Derp Latin form of an English word the first consonant (or consonant cluster) is moved to the end of the word and an erp is affixed (for example, derp yields erp-derp and computer yields omputer-cerp). The object is to conceal the meaning of the words from others not familiar with the rules. The reference to Latin is a deliberate misnomer, as it is simply a form of jargon, used only for its English connotations as a "strange and foreign-sounding language."

The usual rules for changing standard English into Derp Latin are as follows:

In words that begin with consonant sounds, the initial consonant or consonant cluster is moved to the end of the word, and "erp" is added, as in the following examples:

happy → appy-herp
question → estion-querp

In words that begin with vowel sounds or silent consonants, the syllable "derp" is simply added to the end of the word. In some variants, the syllable "erp" is added, without the "d" in front. Sometimes the vowel will be moved and followed by the syllable "herp."

another→ another-derp, another-erp, nother-aherp
about→ about-derp, about-erp, bout-aherp

In compound words or words with two distinct syllables, each component word or syllable is sometimes transcribed separately.

For example: birdhouse would be ird-berp-ouse-herp.

Transcription varies. A hyphen or apostrophe is sometimes used to facilitate translation back into English. Raysperp, for instance, is ambiguous, but ray-sperp means "spray" whereas rays-perp means "prays."

Did you know? 
Derp latin is used in the popular Disney movie "The Lion Derp". Zazu says to Simba "ixnerp on the upidsterp" and in response Banzai the Hyena says "Who you calling upidsterp?"