FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU...
But, but, but I want to know what happens next! Yet I do not have time for the next episode, for I have to head to my horrible excuse for a psychology class. GOR-FRAKKIN-RAMMIT! (thats right, two sci-fi franchises, one lame fake curse word) So I swallow the fact that I will have to wait until later in the night and head to the class.
I arrive at the science center, fetch some Code Red out of the vending machine and proceed into the classroom. A quiz has been doled out and I sit down and bust it out. When everyone is done, the "teacher" inexplicably waits five minutes, reading a book and not looking up to see that we are done. Then she instructs us to write our thoughts on the back of the quiz to clear our heads. So I write about the cliffhanger ending, and then I take a moment to transcribe the lyrics to the Physics Guy Rap, as is was thoroughly stuck in my head. Upon completion of that I decided to draw a penguin doing a space walk.
An example of a productive psychology class.
So we had to clear our minds because today we were going to be "meditating". She reached for the computer where she had a meditation music youtube video loaded. I got a little excited because there in inextricable link between my psych teacher and computer failure. I closed my eyes, breathed in and out and was interrupted by an overtly loud Windows BOOP. I laughed out loud, and caught myself just in time for a second BOOP to bring me back to full laughter. I caught it again out of respect, but it was hard as the computer kept BOOP-ing, which is not conducive to successful meditation.
She decided to ignore the incessant BOOP-ing and read the meditation script. I tried to play along and began to breath deeply. I begin to breathe out, she says breathe in. I try and correct myself but shes already saying breathe out by the time I'm breathing in and vice versa until I look less relaxed and more like I'm hyperventilating. Good start.
She then says to imagine we are walking down a wooden staircase. So I once again try and play along, I picture myself on a wooden staircase heading down into a study. It was intensely relaxing, there was a fireplace and books and mahogan....
"You follow the staircase down to a beach."
First thought: "What the f*** is a beach doing in my library?!?!"
Notice how distinctly not a beach this is.
Once again I was no longer relaxed, I was worried about salt water getting on my books. But I forced myself to try, try to relax and meditate damn it. So I placed my mind on a beach. So naturally my mind went to the last beach I had been too, on MDI with MSSMers last June. Which means it was cold Maine beach water, which I don't think is what she was going for. But I tried, I tried so hard to warm the beach up in my mind, tried to get rid of the feeling of seaweed wrapping around my legs while I was in the water. Soon I actually began to relax, I was on a warm beach, a nice day, I was doing good.
"Now imagine you look up and you see two seagulls circling above you."
This was supposed to be calming and for a moment it was. But then the seagulls started to kick each others ass.
Because, F*** YOU!
This was less than favorable because I started to laugh. Which than put me in a Giggle Loop.
The following is the urban dictionary definition. Remember, to know of the Giggle Loop is to be a part of the Giggle Loop.
You are surrounded by people for a moment of silence when the Giggle Loop begins...
Suddenly out of nowhere this thought comes into your head: the worst thing I could possibly do during a minute's silence is laugh. And as soon as you think that you almost do laugh -- automatic reaction. But you don't, you control yourself, you're fine. Whew.
But then you think how terrible it would have been if you laughed out loud in the middle of a minutes silence. And so you nearly do again, only this time it's a bigger laugh. And then you think how awful this bigger laugh would have been. And so you nearly laugh again, only this time it's a very big laugh, it is an enormous laugh. Let this bastard out, and you get whiplash. And suddenly you are in the middle of this completely silent room and your shoulders are going like you are drilling the road. And what do you think of this situation? Oh dear Christ, you think it's funny!
Coupling - Series 1 - Episode 'Sex, Death & Nudity'
It just builds higher and less stable.
It only got worse, the images in my head began spiraling out of control. Soon Mike Brown and Pat Brown were there talking about bad-ass this sea gull fight was and Mike bet twenty bucks on the one to the left. Pretty soon more people and inanimate objects were there and they were all concerned one thing, kicking each others asses. This beach became a powerthirst commercial in five seconds flat and I wanted to laugh. The longer I sat there I just wanted to laugh more and more and more. It got unbearable.
I went through a ten minute giggle loop, everything she said to relax us only piled more fuel on the fire. Everything on this beach was cursing and kicking-ass. I finally figured it out and opened my eyes, which allowed me to remember how boring this room actually was and saved me.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I hate psychology.
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