Digitus Medius aka Fuckius Youis

There are several people who make me viscerally angry, politicians, AVI Food Systems, Alfred Residence Life, the majority of people I've met named Manju. With any of these I am usually allowed to submit comments to them in writing and I've thought several times of writing whole essays and putting them in their comment boxes. Then I thought of a more direct way to convey my emotions. Simply send a letter of the format:

Dear Source Of My Anger,

[elaborate pencil drawing of a middle finger]

Signed,
Tyler

It's so simple, so direct, so perfect for the majority of the things that anger me. But I am no artist and this can't be any middle finger, oh no. This has to be a middle finger that means it. A middle finger with rage built into it's very skin cells. I can't just go up to a friend or a relative. This has to be the middle finger of man whose been through some shit. Not a young mans hand. A hairy, scarred hand, a middle finger that was broken and didn't quite heal properly, but still stands at attention with almost, but not quite perfect right angles where it matters. With knuckles that jut out like a mountain range. I'm talking like a 73-year-old-war-veteran-triple-divorcee-iron-worker-with-a-criminal-record middle finger that stands on high.

Now that we have that out of the way, a plan emerges.

Step 1
A national manhunt for a group of ten men who fit that exact profile to the letter.

Step 2
Battle to the death.

Step 3
Take the winner and do not treat his wounds. Immediately take him to an art institution and put him in an auditorium filled with one hundred pencil and paper wielding graduate art students.

Step 4
Insult the memory of his second wife, the only one he really loved.

Step 5
Middle finger at attention, let the artists art away.

Step 6
Kill the man to show the artists you mean business.

Step 7
Take the three people who drew the finest drawings and put them in three separate holding cells complete with pencil, paper, security camera and a large mound of C4. Tell them to draw it better or else.

Step 8
Take the drawings, detonate the C4. No fucking witnesses.

Step 9
If none of the drawings meet your requirements, back to Step 1.

So a few months and 13 dead men later, the drawing is ready. Make copies and distribute them to your enemies. It really is that easy!

Well I don't have the budget or the required balls to do all that so this will have to do for now:

Submitted for your approval, Mr. God Damned Rogers.