My Review of "The Rise of the Planet of the Apes"-related Dream I Had Last Night

So I had no plan to go view "The Rise of the Planet of the Apes" anytime soon, but apparently my brain had other ideas. It decided to make me watch it's own version of it based on the small amounts of information I've picked up from the very small number of television advertisements I've seen for this film. Since the movie-dream was so, we'll go with intriguing, I've decided to review my dream remix of "The Rise of the Planet of the Apes".

Amazingly, no Inception references. 

Note: From here on out, my brain will be referred to as The Director. 

So the film opened with Dr. James Franco demonstrating his new box of Alzheimer's fixing black lights. He had a monkey named George, a curious little fellow, open up his Pandora's Box shaped suspiciously like the IT Crowd "Internet". George was suddenly able to talk after being bathed in it's ultraviolet creaminess. The room applauded and the next scene opened with George helping Dr. James Franco make some improvements on the black light box of wonder. This of course was trickery as George made the box turn him into an asian human with a fashion aesthetic that screams, "I'm on my way to a rave, a monkey rave" with the only monkey bit left being the face. George then proceeded to kill Dr. James Franco using what looked like a neck bone snapping variant of the Vulcan Death Grip. I thought this was an interesting choice on the part of the director, as many of the previews I saw for this film indicated the James Franco would be the main character. It would appear that I had been deceived, but in a pleasant way, at that moment only ten minutes in I knew I could leave all my expectation at the dreamdoor.

The following scene just showed a nice downtown market in an nondescript US city. Suddenly raving neanderthal anime characters with sunglasses came down from above with jet packs and proceeded to one by one NeckSnapVulcanDeathGrip every person there to death. The interesting and almost confusing thing about this sequence was that no one in the crowd fought back. No police armed themselves and nobody fought against their own deaths. This apathy made the scene incredibly eerie and disturbing. It was as if all of humanity faced with extinction just accepted their fate. The director seemed to be using these BrightlyDressedNeanderthalSquareEnixNeckSnappingVulcanDeathGripMonkeysWithJetPacks as a metaphor for our own acceptance of the destruction we are bringing to our planet.

Then, once again, the film took a 360 degree turn from a serious and deep metaphorical analysis of human society and introduced our true main characters, Sheldon Cooper and Leonard Hofstadter. 

Wait the what the fuck a what a why a woahhhhhh...

Leonard spent the rest of the movie basically protecting Sheldon who personally accepted his ape overlords. Eventually they were killed like everyone else on Earth, apathetically accepting the SuperVulcanDeathGrip. To be honest I was expecting this part of the film to be much better than it was. Up until this point the film had been shocking and caught me off guard but by the end it was just a really bad Big Bang Theory season finale and as much as I love The Big Bang Theory, it's not really cinema quality stuff. Also I'm not sure how this prequel fits in with the overall Planet of the Apes canon as the apes apparently abandoned their rave based society. I guess it was just a phase, maybe a side effect of black light radiation. Overall not what I expected when I realized that this was how I was going to spend my entire night of REM sleep.

I give The Rise of the Planet of the Apes a 6 out of 10