Screw Real Life Applications

Yesterday I moved back to Alfred and set up my computer and inevitably caught up on some web comics. Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal has this excellent comic about science education that made me lqtm.

And then this happened...

Six years might be too short a time to jump on this project if you've been ignoring science your whole life, but it's not too late to learn the ancient art of leather tanning. Someone has to make that saddle, maybe you can get a free ride!

The Media Needs to Start Fresh, With Garlic and Herbs

This year it seems that the big target of mass hatred is the media. At this point the unanimous conclusion seems to be that the American media is a load of horse shit that isn't doing it's job. Most people turn to Jon Stewart or the blogosphere or anything that isn't a major news organization for their information. They're tired of the bullshit, tired of hearing about Ashton Kutcher when major historical events are in progress. It hit a fever pitch with the Rally to Restore Sanity and then the emergence of Wikileaks.

There have been a lot of suggestions on how to correct this situation. Jay Rosen said that the "watchdog press is dead" and a lot of people would like to see the media return to the days of serious investigative journalism. Currently major media outlets pretty much do as the government tells them. I'm certain if Bradley Manning had sent the war logs to CNN they'd have ignored it to avoid trouble or worse, reported him.

But I don't think that these companies need to look at legendary figures of the old press to figure out what they need to do. There is already a company that has dealt with these type of smear campaigns by running into them head on. They need to take the cardboard crust and bad ingredients of their journalism practices and startover fresh, with garlic. They need to pull a Dominos.



They need to just come out say it, we've been feeding you horse shit with ketchup flavored sauce for years, and we want to change. First major media outlet to do that gets my respect.

GO!

Tis The Season To Kill Zombies. Fa la la la la, la la la la.

It's good to be home finally. I got back in the county on Monday and I was shocked to learn that today is apparently Saturday. If you were to ask me what I've been up to this week, I'd probably just let out a long "uhhhhhhhhhhh". I guess I need to set up some goal/projects to keep my unemployed/vacationing self busy for 4 more weeks.

Something other than Minecraft.

Yup, that's David Tennant in leather battle armor
and a diamond pick axe.

I guess I could try and write a blog post every day. Oh god damn it, that looks like a goal I'll fail catastrophically at that I just typed. DAMN YOU STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS! 

Well now it's published on the internet, guess I got to do it. Lame.

Lo, thy asswipe hath runneth dry

This is just a general heads up to any Alfred University students who maybe considering living in the suites at any point, and want to know what is like, let me sum it up.

You'll have an RA. Your RA is being paid one of the highest salaries available to students on campus. Their job? To dole out the asswipe ladies and gentleman. Literally their whole job, right there. To unlock the vault of the most sacred roles of ass wiping goodness. Yet, whenever these services are needed, they won't be there, ever. If you live  in a suite, once a week you'll hear one of your suitemates cry out to the heavens in despair. This familiar cry will tell you all you need the know, thy asswipe hath runneth dry. You'll run to your RA, and they will not be there, ever. I mean that, not once. You go back and tell the damning report to your comrade. Naturally he/she is not in a position to take no for an answer. So you will run to the public bathroom and loot it for all it has. This temporary solution has saved your comrade from a most unwearable pair of briefs. Every week you'll see signs going up telling you to stop stealing asswipe from the public restroom. It is ignored because when you got a man in there who is at the psychological breaking point, there is no other option. Though 1 out of 3 times the public bathroom will have runneth dry as well, usually because of another suite suffering a similar fate as of recent. Then comes creativity in the form of napkins and such. This is usually followed by consoling your comrade, who is in a most unfit state. Never at any point in your life, will toilet paper be on your mind as often as when you live in a suite, because it is a precious commodity. It's only more damning because of the vault filled to the ceiling with the stuff downstairs, the one your not entrusted to enter.

I am really not blaming the RAs, it's not their fault that they have lives and are expected to be available for this stupid mundane tasks at all hours. Really this system just needs some serious altering, because this on demand shit has got to go.

Speaking of asswipe, quantum physics test tomorrow. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

The Rarest of Days

As I posted on Facebook recently, I have 22 pennies on my desk, the newest is from 2010 and the oldest is from 1944. In other news, I haven't left my room much today.

That being said, I'm having a very productive day, I tend to when Benjamin Franklin gives me a 25 hour day. Groovy stuff. Got up this morning, read two chapters of A Brief History of Time. Taught myself basic Python and programmed something that rated buildings on how good they would be at defending against zombies. Then I did my Diff Eq work early and listened to the new Guster album through 4 times, working on the fifth. I figured out how to break up cheese on the irregularly short Wegman's bread to a form that is geometrically desirable. I did my astronomy homework and I wrote five pages of a script for a movie I don't believe I'll ever make. Doing German now, just felt like documenting my once annual day of productivity.

Sic itur ad astra motherfucker.

James Hetfield-ah

Over the summer, my brother and I got a big kick out of doing what was called "James Hetfielding" songs. Simply sing a song, preferably not very metal, in James Hetfield voice. It was hilarious, and made several Green Day songs so much better. Then we started doing it to The Beatles, and many a rofl was had.

So imagine my shock when Wolfgang told me about a little band called "Beatallica". I was floored. It's just so hilarious hearing a Metallica-like band, sing The Beatles. Just listen to these folk,













And just for the lulz,

Super-Science Struggle

Ahh, Saturdays. Waking up to the sound of Wolfgang yelling at the window. Saturday is our weekly Pancake Day. Every Saturday, Wolfgang comes up our suite for Pancakes at 10 AM and every week we are asleep when he gets here and he has to wake us up while locked out.

Pancakes have now started being traditionally followed up by a batch of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Today we picked a lovely film called Robot v. Aztec Mummy. That film isn't what caught our eye today. It was the short serial at the beginning. Episode 1 of Radar Men from the Moon, The Moon Rocket. Let's just say once it was over we went online to find the other episodes. It is beyond brilliant.

Pictured: Genius

The commentary from MST3K was almost nonexistent during this segment, it was unnecessary. What needed to be said was said by the actors. This show was just amazing. It opened with several bits of stock footage of things blowing up. When the main character, Commando Cody is revealed, he has it figured out in under 1 minute. I checked. From the fact that the explosions were of an atomic nature, but without the really big boom. So it must be an "atomic beam". Which no one on Earth has. Since Commando Cody has just built a moon rocket, it must be some one from there. Why else would he have built the convenient transport?

Pictured: Convenient transport

While we were laughing and enjoying the exploits of Commando Cody, I can't deny that I wasn't taking notes. The music, cinematography and script were all noted and cataloged. For those of you who know me, you may know that last year I began working together a script for a bad 50's sci-fi sppof. Lord Victorian v. The Robot-Pirate-Bear-Ninja-Monkey-Vampires from Space. Long title, easy concept. Steampunk British nobility with a steam powered flying pennyfarthing and steam powered gatling gun for an arm fights giant space monster/internetsworstnightmare. If I ever do finish the script, it will have a Commando Cody noted in the credits, because his influence is undeniable. The thing is going to be no-budget, except I need to make a penny farthing, big one or model one, all options are on the table.

Pictured: Hope

If your intrigued by the amazing adventures of Commando Cody, well thats why Jesus invented Google Video.

Tis the 43rd Day of the Bureaucracy

Folks, I have once again been away from this place that I write pointless unread drivel that I feel an obligation to post for reasons I don't think I'll ever truly understand. Since last I spoke we are all 25 days older and $78,361,331,988.99 deeper into debt.

That being said, I noticed something while looking up that number, we are only a trillion dollars short of our gross domestic product. Now years ago, I promised a big ass party when the two numbers hit a point of equivalence. A celebration of the excess we will no longer enjoy. It's kind of like Mardi Gras, except instead of celebrating before getting rid of meat, we're celebrating just before our national economic collapse. So it's the same idea really. This is similar to the promise that I made in 7th grade, that I would throw a party if/when Dr. Phil and/or Oprah end up in prison for some reason.

So just reminding you, watch the debt clock to know what time the party starts.

Or Court TV, whatever happens first really.